I haven't said anything agian..
I'm ruining my therapy with this? This is the thing they call self-sabotage?
Not letting yourself heal from the things which happened? Sometimes I feel like I want to get better for her... But I'm weak for that.
Being well feels wrong/strange/unusual. Not right.
I gave her a fake signal.. a false-positive. So we will talk about my relationships with humanoids.. Not the main problem, but it's something she can work with. Atleast she feels like we're doing smth. Maybe I'm misleading her while I tell nothing to her and just suffer in silence.
She made me promise if my mood is constanly a 4 on a scale from 1-10 (1 being the worst and 10 being really really good) I have to tell her.
I won't.
I know myself good enough to know that I probably won't text to her.. I don't want to disturb her probably she will have a lot of work and I don't need to burden her w my fucked up being.
I had to promise her if 'he' would speak agian text her. Or while we are still "in" tell her when we meet. Maybe I can do that but I'm not sure. I think the system wants to lock me out..and cut me off from everything.
Which sucks because I go into 'his' plan/trap then I will probably isolate myself and they will suffer the consequencies.. especially my lover. She isn't well also and I should focus on helping her my needs aren't that impotant. I don't care about my being if it helps her getting better..
I barely have any self respect so it's fucked anyways. I don't care..