Therapy fun shit especially when she (my therapist) hits into something that really hurts. It's really fun I mean. Nearly crying in therapy and all she said was:
"- It's not your responsibility. You hear me? It's not yours. It's not your responsibility."
"- I think I lost weight.."
"- It's a bit visible I mean you got slimmer. It's not suprising that this is eating you up.."
I came out shaking like an idiot. She was waiting for me outside. She hugged me, I almost cried I was shaking. I smoked away 2 cigarettes in a row shaking like an idiot..
I did as my therapist told me, I spoke with her mother today.
She is mad probably. She said she needs time to think. I mean I did the right thing, right?
Why I do I feel so bad about it? I mean I did deserve this pain? Maybe I did something really hates me probably. Like I do myself. Does she hate me for this?
I'm spiraling like fuck. Maybe she does. She does hate me rn.
I'm so fucking tired. Tired of everything. Can't everything just stop for while? Not existing in a void without all this pain.. it would be a fucking bliss right now.
Get me high please.. Let me forget everything for a bit. I can't do this shit.
My nerves are bad. I jump from every loud sound. The kid must be so scared.. I can't console her... I'm sorry kid. I'm so sorry. Sorry I fucked up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I fucked up, right? Right?
I will be a good girl and shut up, I promise. She won't hear about my pain, suffering whatever is this shit.
Good girls don't speak. They can keep their mouth shut, not like me.